Yeshiva boys photographed by Margaret Bourke White
As many of you have noticed, the frequency of advice giving has waned over the past year.
This was due to a serious Torah intake, and a revitalization of the information Yours Truly has to offer.
As the Jewish Education of Your 29-Year-Old Yenta continues, watch for workshops like this one in your area.
Keep your eyes peeled, post Yenta sabatical, for a bigger, badder, and more Jewish voice to come.
For International Women’s Day, here are a series of strong, vocal, in-your-face and influential Jewish women who may have, without your even realizing it, changed your world.
Dr. Ruth is the ultimate Yenta - wise, forthright, change-making.
The Wisdom of Women
Dr. Ruth
“An orgasm is just a reflex like a sneeze.”
“Don’t criticize in the sack. Discuss constructively later….”
“Talking from morning to night about sex has helped my skiing.”
Paula Abdul
“Constructive criticism is about finding something good and positive to soften the blow to the real critique of what really went on.
“Everyone is your best friend when you are successful. Make sure that the people that you surround yourself with are also the people that you are not afraid of failing with.”
“Find fitness with fun dancing. It is fun and makes you forget about the dreaded exercise.”
Flyest of the fly is a Jewess with chutzpah.
Elizabeth Taylor
“I sweat real sweat and I shake real shakes.”
“I’ve been through it all, baby, I’m mother courage.”
“I’ve only slept with men I’ve been married to. How many women can make that claim?”
Ann Landers
“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest – never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership.”
“Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass.”
“If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you’ll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.”
“Know yourself. Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
“Love is friendship that has caught fire.”
Laura Schlesinger
“This is all you have. This is not a dry run. This is your life. If you want to fritter it away with your fears, then you will fritter it away, but you won’t get it back later.”
Abigail Van Buren (Dear Abby)
“If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we’d all be millionaires.”
“If you want a place in the sun, you’ve got to put up with a few blisters.”
“People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.”
“There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who walk into a room and say, “There you are” and those who say, “Here I am”"
“True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.”
Bella Abzug
“Women have been trained to speak softly and carry a lipstick. Those days are over.”
“The test for whether or not you can hold a job should not be the arrangement of your chromosomes.”
“I prefer the word “homemaker” because “housewife” always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.”
Ask Yenta Anything! Click Here.
For more Yenta, visit Ask Your Yenta at JewishJournal.com.
Redefining fun, one move at a time.
Hi Yenta,
I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now, and it is better than I ever imagined a relationship could be. We live together, we have a cat, and we are both very happy. The problem is this: my OCD makes any type of sex impossible.
We are plenty intimate – we mostly pleasure each other by mutual masturbation – but I can’t even bear to be completely naked with him when we do this for fear of fluids. He is very patient and understanding, but I worry about how long that will last.
He wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but there is a very real possibility that it will be a very long time – if ever – before I am able to have sex, and I am afraid that he will eventually start to resent me for it. Is it possible to have a lasting romantic relationship without sex?
Thanks for your help!
-Keepin’ It Dry
Dear KID,
When you say “my OCD,” it sounds like, “my puppy,” or “ my favorite cat.” If your OCD is held and coddled, it will snuggle you and remain with you. I don’t know where you are in your healing process, but I encourage you to challenge your OCD threshold.
That is to say, how far can your disorder go until it runs your life? Phobias are real, OCD is real, anxiety is real: but human beings have an even realer capacity for healing. With proper time, care and attention one can reverse, or at least lessen these types of discomforts.
If you have not already tried, perhaps begin first by thinking outside the therapy box, and later, outside the sexual box. Ie, instead of Psychiatry, dabble in the other healing arts for answers to your questions. To every thing there is a season, and to every ailment, there is a root. Working with an acupuncturist, a cognitive behavioral therapist, sex therapist, massage therapist, sexual surrogate, shaman or even a regular psychologist or clinical social worker could begin to address your fears of fluids from a new angle. Other ideas: doctor-monitored herbal remedies, yoga, meditation, and/or drastic changes in diet.
On the flip side, you could also take another route. That is the route of acceptance. This means accepting you will never sleep with your man in the traditionally anticipated way. You worry about him, and I worry about you. Are you selling yourself short sexually by so quickly giving your OCD free rein in the bedroom?
If not, maybe this is your threshold. Maybe this sex, at all, is your triumph in which case I congratulate you. And the truth is that yes, sexless relationships are possible. Especially in your case, where you are actually having sex, just not intercourse. A lifetime commitment to mutual masturbation has happened before and can be a phenomenal way to explore the less-known regions of sexuality and sexual pleasure.
Click here for details on enhancing sex without intercourse. Everything from new forms of touch and activity, to using other senses and forms, like talking, smelling, etc as means of enhancing your bedroom delights.
Other reads:
Sex Without Intercourse by Gerda Mundinger, a book of anecdotes from real people on how they enjoyed each other without “doing it.”
Let Me Count The Ways: Sex Without Intercourse by Marty Klein, Ph.D. and Riki Robbins, Ph.D.
I am all for you committing to and celebrating a non-intercourse-having existence, as long as that celebration is not a way of quitting and selling yourself and your partner short before reaching towards healing your phobias. Our bodies are limitless in the knowledge and secrets they hold, you might need to grin and bare it and begin (again) the arduous process of exploring the underside of your OCD.
