Dear 27-Year-Old Yenta,

As Chanukah approaches, I fear that my boyfriend will think my latkes
aren’t as good as his mother’s.

This happens every year and we always have a big fight about it. He
likes mine well enough, but he’s always saying how his mother uses
more salt or chops the potatoes this way or that way. I want him to
accept me as I am, latkes and all!

Thank you,
Lately Always Testily Kvetching Everything

Dear Latke,

Um…this has nothing to do with your boyfriend accepting you. If he is Jewish, and so is his mother, then you should stop fighting and start eating fried pancakes. A Jewish mother always comes before a Jewish wife/girlfriend, that’s just the way it is. Jewish men are kings in the eyes of their mommys, so why mess with an ancient system?

Did you wipe his tush? Breast feed him? Clothe and feed him for eighteen years? No. Your role is big, but hers, and her latkes, will always be bigger. If he likes his mother’s latkes more it doesn’t reflect on how much he likes you. In fact, I can’t believe I am still writing this reply. This is a non-issue. You = girlfriend. NOT mother. The end.

Plus, you and his mother should probably both step aside because my mother’s latkes will always dominate. Now there’s something to really worry about.