Summed Up By His Size

In Sex on December 16, 2009 at 7:24 am

Dear Yenta,

I recently started seeing a very nice man. He is sweet, kind, has a
job, and is wonderful with my child. We get along really well and have
a great time when we are together, but there is a problem. He has a
very small penis. When I say small, you must understand that it is so
small that I can not feel it inside of me. I am not even sure it was
inside me. This is not an issue for me because I can not reach orgasm
through intercourse, only oral, but it is an issue because I feel like
faking it during sex is a lie, and I want to be as honest as I can
with this man.

-Little Bits

Dear Little Bits,

I don’t understand? What, exactly, are you not faking? Sex is way more interesting, complex and expansive than how you are viewing it.

I believe Samantha coped with the same exact problem on Sex and the City when she was sure she had finally met the man of her dreams. She ended up leaving him, devastated.

But this is real life and you are not Samantha. Some might tell you to skip town on this man and his tiny package, but I don’t believe in quitting without putting up a solid fight.

This being said, when a man puts a finger inside of you, do you feel it? Probably. So this man’s thing is detectable. There are plusses and minuses to every penis size. Some people are never satisfied, it is always too big, too small, too thick. What is important is a) that you like this guy and b) that you attempt to learn to love his parts.

This is a great opportunity for slower more sensual moves on your end. Or even speedy, but the key is noting the nuance of sensation. Rather than focusing on your attachment to the last giant you screwed, focus instead on your own nerve endings, making a point to feel any and everything so that when the edge of this man even brushes your insides, it makes you insane.

A few other tricks: try a vibrating cock ring ($12-$79), although note this warning. Also try new positions, for example, one woman suggests to try it with your legs squeezed shut, and be patient, your body will readjust to his size over time. For more positions and ideas on making love to a smaller man, click here.

In fact, this dude is the perfect opportunity for you to exercise those kegels and get to learning how to train your vaginal walls to come from intercourse alone. I believe Freud refers to this as the true maturity of a woman. Although, he was mostly offensive and sexist.

It is lazy lovemaking to depend on the man’s size for satisfaction. A well-trained woman can come without even being touched, a shaft simply a bonus prize. In fact, it is almost rude to give up because of some preconceived notion that size is the only byway to pleasure. Pleasure comes in all shapes and packages and it is up to every single individual to learn to grow per partner.

  1. Re: “A well-trained woman can come without even being touched”

    Isn’t this oversimplifying things? Some women have trouble O’ing because of psychological and biological issues. I heard 30% can’t orgasm at all, let alone without being touched.

    • Thanks for your comment. I don’t think this is oversimplification, just blind faith in the female body and its ability to reconnect with itself, no matter the hormonal or psychological explanation for orgasm blockage. Despite what modern medicine tells us, women have a profound ability to heal.

  2. […] In Uncategorized on December 16, 2009 at 7:04 pm On Summed Up By His Size, one “Ben M” […]

  3. RE: “…get to learning how to train your vaginal walls to come from intercourse alone”

    I definitely agree with you and I think you have great advice, but I’d like to point out that the expectation that woman can and/or should orgasm “from intercourse alone” can be somewhat misleading. I’d say it’s important for LB to keep in mind that there can be a lot of other things going on at once, so a woman need not ever feel required to come from plain ol’ vaginal intercourse. Satisfying sex is much more than the sum of its parts.

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