Advising the Virgin

In Sex on December 17, 2009 at 8:31 am

Advice Recall:

Annie’s Mailbox®, by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, December 15, The Santa Fe New Mexican

Dear Annie: I am a 24-year-old female and a virgin, not because of any moral objections, but because I have had a hormone deficiency since I hit puberty.

I know guys are interested in me. I have always turned them down because I never had any desire for a physical relationship. However, I talked to my doctor and am now taking hormones to correct the problem.

I recently met someone who interests me. If I take it to a physically intimate level, should I say anything about my inexperience? If so, what is the best way to have that conversation? I am afraid my extended period of celibacy might make a more experienced person nervous or turned off. — Rather Embarrassed in Minnesota

Dear Minnesota: You are young enough that your status is not an issue. Many women your age and older are still virgins. More importantly, we guarantee men are not bothered by this, and in some instances, it will have the opposite effect. Most men like to believe they are your first. If you become intimate, it’s OK to say you don’t have prior experience. The guy will take it from there.

Take Two:

Dear 24 Year-Old Virgin:

Virgin “Status” is NEVER a true problem. And “The guy will take it from there…” this is the reason why so many marriages end in premature divorce.

You never know what you will get with a lover. Some are sensitive to sexual needs, and insensitive on the surface. Some are sensitive on the surface, and insensitive in bed. Some are sensitive overall and lacking sexual knowledge.

Take it from “there” before the guy does so for you. You never know what kind of man you have on your plate. If he knows a lot about pleasing a woman, then you will end up in good hands. Don’t run the risk of sexual dissatisfaction: be proactive.

My advice to you is not to ever feel ashamed about your virginity. When and if you do decide to grace a partner with your body, I wish you good and open communication. Whether you lose your virginity at 14 or 40, it is your ability to communicate your needs, and the receptivity of your lover that might make or break the experience. So yes, tell him the truth.

You can practice communication in line at the supermarket. “Hand me a plastic bag, please?” It can be cultivated over time. There is no rush. When the time is right I hope your virginity turns YOU on, and that losing it is as fulfilling as chastity.

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