What's this crazy pleasure all about!? Photo courtesy of Victor Jeffreys II, phiary.com/diary/victor.

Hey Yenta,

My girlfriend comes so much.  I never know when it is enough.  I am happy she enjoys herself, but it feels like I could make her keep going for days.  How do I know when she is satisfied if she has nearly ten orgasms each time we get it on?

-Gifted in Bed?

Dear GIB,

Ah, yes, the secret age-old dilemma of the multiple-orgasming partner.  Men have, on rare occasion, come to me asking this same question with concern.  Why?  Because we focus so much on the possibility that a woman can’t come, that it seems almost baffling when she comes so hard and so long.

Multiple orgasms aren’t always what they seem.  Often they are a retriggering of a plateau of pleasure in quick succession, so that the orgasm, already brought into being, is retriggered again and again.  For some this is amazing, and for others just one mind-blowing orgasm does the trick.  Whatever floats her boat.

I can actually see how this could be frustrating for a lover, on a number of levels.  With one full-blown amazing orgasm, you know when she is satisfied.  With this many, on and on and on, one wonders what the driving force is, and what an orgasm means at all.  Right?  Because we thought it was meant to be one precious pop.

The limit to this kind of lovemaking does not exist.  It is a good test for you to work on lovemaking being a two-way street.  When her pleasure stops being your pleasure, at the 7^th or 8^th plateau, you can gently cease and desist.  There is no law that you must keep her pleasure in constant motion.  If the issue is more a wondering about satisfaction, maybe worry about this less and focus more on closely watching and witnessing your partner’s body virtually melt.  This is a gift to bear witness to, so focus less on the goal, and more on the ride.

If, however, you feel she is coming hard and leaving you out, be honest.  Talk about the orgasms, work to better understand her pleasure and voice your own.  At the very least you may gain an understanding of what is happening inside of her.  At most, you increase the connection between the two of you which makes that intense pleasure translate more towards you.

There is always the option of slowing down.  There are millions of ways of inducing orgasms, particularly for a woman like this, so work on that, bringing her to climax with a new rhythm or angle.  Work with her body to see its pleasure lengths and limits.  In the end “satisfaction” is complex.  She is clearly getting off, but to know how it makes her feel, you need to talk.  Communication is the number one ingredient for better and better sex.

For help with your own multiple orgasms, women click here. Men click here.

Also try How to Have An Orgasm….As Often As You Want by Rachel Swift

and Orgasms: How to Have Them, Give Them, and Keep Them Coming by Lou Paget.

Ask Yenta Anything!

E-mail a question to merissag[at]gmail[dot]com directly, or using www.send-email.org to ask anonymously.

Merissa Nathan Gerson is a fan of

Ask Your Yenta