Swap Ragu for pig's blood and Carrie becomes a splosher's dreamwoman.

Dear Yenta,

I love sploshing, but tend to gain weight. What are some low-cal but squishy options?

-Saucy Mess

Dear Saucy Mess,

I needed to get educated for this one. Sploshing, for those of you who don’t know, is “the act of placing food on another person, and usually eating it off of them, for pleasure. A full-bodied food fetish,” according to UrbanDictionary.com.

So, if you are thinking, “Oh, I get it, whipped cream!” Think again. This is more like pouring sloppy joe all over someone to garner a slight toddler-esque mess spilled on an adult naked body. This is like sexual food sport.

Another definition from UrbanDictionary: “A sexual/sensual food exchange, in which at least one person covers another person in foods of different tastes, textures, and temperatures. Eating the food off said person is optional. It is common practice for the “sploshee” to be nude so as to heighten the feeling of the food on their bare skin. The “splosher” can be nude or clothed based on preference.”

Apparently there are whole communities of “sploshers” and a big pornographic web presence of women who soil themselves with mud and real home-cooking. Another way to identify a sploshing community is through the term “Wet and Messy” or “WAM.” A few sites, for those of you over 18 and not afraid of dirt, grime, slime and spaghetti-O’s: The Ultimate Messy Directory or WetOrMessy.com. Also, check out this article from the UK Mirror, written on Valentine’s Day for the romantic.

I don’t splosh, but I do know food. So, here is a list of foods that won’t make you fat if you are a regular splosher. One splosher recommends, “cheeses and organ meats; they can be very fragrant, and quite healthful.” When choosing your foods look at texture, temperature, scent and taste to enhance sensation. Remember, everything in moderation. Too much guacamole might yield weight gain. Also, tailor this list to your own diet needs, ie, Atkin’s, vegan, South Beach etc. Happy squishy sploshing.

Apple Butter
Guacamole
Couscous
Oatmeal
Scrambled Tofu
Baked Beans
Chili Black Bean
Soy Sloppy Joes
Mu Shu Vegetables
Won Ton Soup
Dahl
Curry
Stuffed Bell Peppers
Hummus
Tabouleh
Stews
Fruit Salad
Green Split Peas
Borscht
Applesauce
Fat-free Pudding
Sorbets
Sautéed Mushrooms
Steamed Artichokes
Whey protein shake
Oatmeal
Sweet Potato Puree
Olive Oil
Cottage Cheese
Yogurt
Lentil Soup
Miso Soup
Brown Rice
Palak Paneer
Banana Squished
Sugar-free Jello
Pineapple Puree
Tuna Salad