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Archive for January, 2010|Monthly archive page

Friendship Hiatus

In Drama on January 20, 2010 at 12:03 am

Dear Yenta,

So I moved here and started to live with a friend, who I have been close with for 5 years but we have grown apart. Having both just gotten evicted, I decided I didn’t want to live with her again. It has created a rift in our friendship now. Question: I would like to repair this rift, but at the same time feel like if we are to be in each other’s lives we have to be able to communicate about important things. How can I do that?

-Missing My Friend

Life without a friend you love can feel flat.

Dear MMF,

Time heals true friendships. If you just had a falling out, perhaps be patient and let the conflict breathe. Then, figure out what you want from this friend, how you want the friendship to evolve, as it seems like you have, and go from there.

Be the strong and bold woman that you are and swallow a bit of pride, approaching this friend with love. If you want honesty and boundaries, set the stage for honesty and boundaries. You know how you function best with this friend, perhaps in a group, perhaps one on one. Invite her on a hike or to coffee and try and make conversation, objective easy conversation, until it feels as if you have a banter going, evoking the feelings that brought you together in the first place.

Once things seem a bit less tense, then bring up anything you need to address. You can ask about the rift, or you can choose not to mention it at all, jumping into the next phase of friendship which is patching up the holes and walking the new direction you want to head in. If you want to communicate about important things, begin to do so, and perhaps suggest that you meet once a month/week for another hike or cup.

If you carve out a sacred space for your friendship, chances are it will be filled. If you want to connect on a deeper level, make that cradle for depth and be brave and show you trust your friend by opening up. Just remember, there are many faces of honesty. It is not dishonest to use discretion with your words, rather mature and kind. I learned this the hard way.

Communicate with this friend as you wish, just be cautious that the space between the two of you is equipped to hold that which you wish to share. Don’t go dumping giant secrets, comments or judgments if her heart can’t handle them. Always test the waters first, and be sure she is in a place to hear you. And if she can’t handle the intimacy you seek, don’t be angry. What we want and what we get don’t always line up, be open to the evolution of this friendship.

Have a question? Want to ask it anonymously? E-mail merissag[at]gmail[dot]com via www.send-email.org.

He Puts a Sock ON It

In Sex on January 19, 2010 at 4:18 am

Do their socks offend you?

Dear 27-Year-Old Yenta:

My latest lover is a fetishist. We have had sex and have both pleasured each other manually and orally, but mostly we co masturbate together while kissing and touching. It’s HOT. He loves to suck on my toes, he loves to watch my ass, he masturbates to pictures of my toenail polish that somehow perfectly match my scooter. He is a feet man, and I love the attention to a previously avoided body part.

The trouble is the sock. He places a sock on his dick throughout all of this. All the rest of it…no big deal. But the sock. The sock!

Forever in Flip Flops

Deart FIFF,

So, ask him about the sock. Done. Dear Fetishist Boy Toy: Why must you cover your beautiful penis? I want to see all of you! Boom. Sock removed. Or, he’ll give you a good answer that helps you fall in love with the sock.

Think about the Red Hot Chili Peppers and re-envision the possible sexiness of a sheath on this part of the body. He may be using the sock as a way to envision a connection between his feet, your feet and his genitals as he stares at your toes.

When it comes to fetish behavior, an open mind coupled with open communication yield solid sexual steam.

Harnessing a Classroom

In Teaching on January 19, 2010 at 3:25 am

Dear Yenta,

This is my second year teaching college level classes. I was
nominated for Teacher of the Year my second semester, and have had
amazing reviews by my students my entire teaching career. When I was asked to teach a Creative Writing class this semester, I just about had a heart attack. I was so excited, so pumped, so eager to show and teach my students everything I knew…and then we had our first class meeting.

My class was a disaster. I gave them a writing prompt, which they all
kind of moaned at, and then when I tried to discuss what they were
interested in and wanted to focus on, only one student spoke to me.
The others stared with a blank look on their faces. By the end of
class, which I let out thirty minutes early, I was devastated. How do
I inspire my students? How do I get them to open up? How do I get them
to talk to me? This is my dream, and right now I want to crawl in a
dark hole and just give the class back to the teacher who had it
before me.

-Teach 911

What is angst, but bottled up self-expression?

Dear Teach 911,

Breathe deep, these issues are all solvable. Harness your passion for the class and the kids will love you in no time. Insecurity is a teacher’s worst enemy, it is completely contagious and your students will resent you for it.

On the first day of class you want to show your students that you are strong, you are fierce, and you are in charge. Egalitarian learning comes with time, and step one is showing that you have the nerve to be their authority figure. Teenagers, even old ones, despise a teacher who seems weak or destructable. They want to feel safe, which means you need to at least appear slightly immovable. You are their faux parental figure, so step up to the plate. No student wants a limp noodle teacher.

To combat your insecurities you need to show up with a serious and solid plan and a shit ton of confidence. You do not care what those rats think. Give them at least one month to judge you because they don’t know anything until they have seen you in action, which they have not.

Show up and make them write. If they moan, their moans are not about you, and if you have an actual concrete plan, their moans will not shake your confidence. You are just a sounding board for their angst-ridden projections.

One option: give them a prompt like “hair” and have them free write. Do not mention the last failed class, do not show your weakness. At all. You never heard them moan, you never left early. Never leave early again. Class time is precious and you can always come up with more writing, discussion or other types of learning exercises.

Have the word “hair” printed and ready on a sheet of paper when they show up, hand that out and make them work. Bring music if you want, to set the mood and calm your nerves and keep them from boredom or whining. Spruce up a dull crowd. This is YOUR classroom.

After this warm-up then have them perform and build some serious trust. That is the first thing you do after they write next time, you make them build trust. This sounds like an oxymoron, forcing trust, but you are the teacher, not the classmate. Never forget that. You are NOT A TEENAGER.

To build trust you discuss what respect and safety mean to the students. Call on them. Be fearless. Have them step up to the plate. When they don’t speak, wait in silence until they do. Silent treatment always yields words. Make a list of how respect looks and even, possibly, have every student sign the list as a pact for a safe classroom. Creativity requires a cradle. Once safe, people tend to express more freely. If they violate the code of respect established, you can ask them to write an assignment, mess with their grade, etc. Respect, you are SHOWING, is no joke.

After they write about hair and after you discuss the meaning of respect and how it will physically look in the classroom, based on their own rules, then you make them read out loud their free writes. MAKE THEM.

You are asking them to own up to their attitudes, to show their boldness only via writing and working. Make sure while they are reading aloud you begin to uphold the precepts of respect that you just established.

And from there you are on your own. The key to a solid class in the midst of fear and worry is PLANNING. With time, and structure, your students will become brilliant little gems.

Have a question? Write in anonymously to merissag[at]gmail[dot]com via www.send-email.org.

Delayed Ejaculator

In Sex on January 18, 2010 at 2:01 am

Some men are so used to being stoic and poised they turn to sexual stone.

Dear Yenta,

My friend told me today that she is not sure if her boyfriend is orgasming or not. How common is it for a guy not to be able to come? When she mentioned it to me, I realized there’d been some times when I didn’t know either.

Sincerely,

Perplexed

Dear Perplexed,

I consulted a number of people for help with this answer, because on first glance the answer seems obvious: if there is cum, he orgasmed. Most of the time with men there is evidence of the orgasm because it is marked by ejaculation. You can check the condom or wherever else for this mark of pleasure.

But, as I asked around and read on, I learned that it is actually common for a man not to ejaculate or orgasm during sex. The factors are many and complicated, ranging from spiritual self-control to emotional blockages, lack of attraction, excessive drug and alcohol comsumption, depression and more.

He could be faking it, click here for a list of ways he might do it. Or, there is a condition called “Delayed Ejaculation” which refers to taking 40-45 minutes for a man to ejaculate, both manually and via sex. If he has this condition he might quit before he comes, just out of shame or sympathy. According to Mayo Clinic endocrinologist Todd B. Nippoldt, M.D., potential causes include:

-Trauma to the pelvic nerves.
-A side effect of certain medications, including some antidepressants
-Excessive alcohol use or illicit drug use
-Neurological diseases, such as stroke or nerve damage to the spinal cord

But the most common cause, he says, is psychological. There are a number of reasons a man might not feel ready to let go in bed. There could be old issues, ie trauma, sexual abuse, general shame surrounding sex and more, or new ones, fears of STD’s, fears of impregnating a woman, and/or lack of trust towards his partner.

There is a myth that men are like cowboys in bed, once on the horse they know how to ride. In truth, though, men DO have feelings, emotions, body image issues and more. Step one is acknowledging the humanity of the male species so as to cue into their sensitivities, many of which can keep them from coming.

As always, the first remedy is to talk to your partner about sex. Ask him about letting go with you, about how pleasure feels for him and about how he knows when he orgasms. Tell him the same about yourself. Does he enjoy it? Etc. Some men are accustomed to holding back, and might need some coaxing, a la Frankie and Johnny where Michelle Pfeiffer convinces Robert DeNiro to scream and yell in expression of his release.

Other men have different capacities. One friend informed me that “it’s possible to orgasm w/o cumming – it’s called multiple orgasm, it’s a play between your muscles and timing. There is a brief window where its possible to ‘hold it in’ so to speak, but the orgasm proceeds anyways. It’s rare and/or takes a lot of practice.”

Or, this dude who seems so subdued in bed might be a tantric practitioner and never comes and always enjoys. Basically, you never know what is going on until you build lines of communication so that eventually he feels safe enough to either a) let go or b) share his thoughts and feelings on the thresholds you are crossing together.

Ultimately, like a woman, for a man to let go in bed might involve some tenderness, some affection, maybe even some new crazy bedroom moves. Shame is also part of their sexual education, so do your best to uneducate. Bottom line: check in with your partner and see how he is feeling, maybe even every step of the way.

Dating a Divorcee

In Breakups/Divorce, Dating, Drama on January 17, 2010 at 7:30 pm

Dear Yenta,

I am sleeping with a man going through a divorce. Is this inherently a bad idea? How do I go about making sure he is not expecting me to fill his ex’s shoes?

-Dating a Divorcee

Are you his baggage receptacle? Photo courtesy of http://www.davidhenrygerson.com

Dear DaD,

First things first: what are your intentions? Are you looking for a husband, a lover, a partner, a boyfriend, a one night stand, a sugar daddy? Where are you putting your energy and why? If you want a one night stand or a fling, enjoy the man, the sex, and his sudden newly cut strings. If you want more, then read on.

When dating a man for serious whom you know just emerged from another woman/man’s bed, take a few things into account. This man, whether his former relationship was long dead or recently altered, has ties to another human and their personal business. Careful that that drama does not suddenly become yours.

Even if he is with you, and loving you, and amazing, he still has a piece of himself sorting through yesterday’s baggage. This could be as simple as transferring a suitcase from home to home or as complex as dealing with the leftover shards of a cheating/lying/deceptive relationship that may have hurt him. The only thing to be truly wary of in dating a divorcee is this, being fully aware that you may not be receiving the entirety of the man resting in your arms.

Everyone is compartmentalized to some degree. Everyone has some doors to their hearts open, and others not, so in this case it is extra important to communicate. Don’t fall too hard in love with a man with a recent ex without being sure that baggage was shipped to Tahiti with a one way pass. The last thing you want is to be head over heels with a man who suddenly announces he is a) not ready for more commitment b) not over his wife c) not that into you.

Or, as you seem to fear, make sure he doesn’t just want a new version of the old love. Watch him, listen to him, use your intuition and see: is he wounded and seeking you as relief? Or has he moved on, coming to you not as a wet rag, but as a strong and equal partner?

Just keep an honest line to your own heart open, and another line open in conversation with his. Divorcees deserve love too, but the first person you should be worrying about is not the divorcee in distress, but how the whole mess might effect your personal well-being. Don’t get sucked into saving a wounded man if that’s your secret thirst.

Depth with the recently-divorced is like dating two people, the man and his ex, so just remember that and be slightly protective of your heart and very patient. That, and enjoy the wild emergence of a possibly previously repressed man. If your relationship is well-rounded, you will know because you will feel strong. If you feel drained and exhausted, like a giant human band-aid, maybe seek a new lover.

Ask Yenta anonymously by e-mailing merissag[at]gmail[dot]com via www.send-email.org.

Honoring The Yentas That Came Before Us

In Uncategorized on January 17, 2010 at 11:12 am

For International Women’s Day, here are a series of strong, vocal, in-your-face and influential Jewish women who may have, without your even realizing it, changed your world.

Dr. Ruth is the ultimate Yenta - wise, forthright, change-making.

The Wisdom of Women

Dr. Ruth

“An orgasm is just a reflex like a sneeze.”
“Don’t criticize in the sack. Discuss constructively later….”
“Talking from morning to night about sex has helped my skiing.”

Paula Abdul

“Constructive criticism is about finding something good and positive to soften the blow to the real critique of what really went on.
“Everyone is your best friend when you are successful. Make sure that the people that you surround yourself with are also the people that you are not afraid of failing with.”
“Find fitness with fun dancing. It is fun and makes you forget about the dreaded exercise.”

Flyest of the fly is a Jewess with chutzpah.

Elizabeth Taylor

“I sweat real sweat and I shake real shakes.”
“I’ve been through it all, baby, I’m mother courage.”
“I’ve only slept with men I’ve been married to. How many women can make that claim?”

Ann Landers

“All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest – never vicious or cruel. Good battle is healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principles of equal partnership.”
“Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass.”
“If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you’ll be married to a man who cheats on his wife.”
“Know yourself. Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
“Love is friendship that has caught fire.”

Laura Schlesinger

“This is all you have. This is not a dry run. This is your life. If you want to fritter it away with your fears, then you will fritter it away, but you won’t get it back later.”

Abigail Van Buren (Dear Abby)

“If we could sell our experiences for what they cost us, we’d all be millionaires.”
“If you want a place in the sun, you’ve got to put up with a few blisters.”
“People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.”
“There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who walk into a room and say, “There you are” and those who say, “Here I am””
“True, a little learning is a dangerous thing, but it still beats total ignorance.”

Bella Abzug

“Women have been trained to speak softly and carry a lipstick. Those days are over.”
“The test for whether or not you can hold a job should not be the arrangement of your chromosomes.”
“I prefer the word “homemaker” because “housewife” always implies that there may be a wife someplace else.”

Ask Yenta Anything!  Click Here.

For more Yenta, visit Ask Your Yenta at JewishJournal.com.

Merissa Nathan Gerson | Create Your Badge

Itchy Pits

In Health and Body on January 15, 2010 at 11:34 pm

Letting your armpit hair grow might liberate your itchy pores, and challenge the dominant order. Kill two birds with one trashed razor.

Dear Yenta,

My armpits are sometimes itchy, particularly in the evenings. What can
I do about this? Is it my deodorant? Should I be using some sort of
salve? Should you moisturize your pits?

-Itchy Pits

Dear Itchy Pits,

Just think about life as an armpit. It is a repressed and miserable body part, always being shut down. It wants to sweat, we stuff it with chemicals. It wants to be hairy, we strip away its livelihood with live razors and hot wax. If your armpit itches it is speaking to you, crying out for help. Pay close attention and give it a few days off. Let it be itself, hairy and sweaty and smelly.

Once again, as with any health problem, the first step is evaluating the contributing factors to the dilemma. This is often a skipped step en route to medicating, salving, and generally ignoring the causality of the crisis. By failing to address the root cause of a health problem, we run the risk of repeat infections, itches, etc.

First, a list of possible causes. Second, a list of possible cures.

Possible Causes

1) What kind of deodorant do you use? Does it have aluminum in it? Is it a natural brand or is it chemical? Read this BBC article on dangerous deodorants. Antiperspirant can cause itching because it acts by blocking the pores to keep them from secreting moisture. Ick, water shoved back inside your pit might make you itch, just as punishment.
2) Do you shave your armpits? How often? Shaving your armpits not only removes the hair, but it also removes a fine layer of skin. This can, obviously, be irritating. Also, ingrown hairs can cause itching, as well as general razorburn. Sometimes, before the hairs break the surface of the skin, that poking towards the light can cause severe itching.
3) Have you changed products recently? If you switched soaps, deodorants, and/or bath products, shaving cream, etc. you may be allergic. Is there a rash, or just an itch? Bumps or no bumps? Bumps can be razor burn or ingrown hairs, rash can be allergy or razor burn. Oye!
5) Are you wearing tank tops on a hot day? Playing tennis or rowing a boat in that tank top? Chafing of the pits can cause an itch. Put on a T-Shirt already, it’s January.
6) A girl in middle school broke out in a full body rash and had to be sent home because she rubbed marijuana all over her body. Have you been rubbing your pits with poison ivy, poison oak, or marijuana? If so, stop.

Possible Cures

1) Aluminum-Free Deodorant, eg, Crystal Deodorant, Tom’s of Maine, etc. Go to a health food store for this. Click here for an article on the dangers of Aluminum.
3) Ditch the anti-perspirant. Unblock those pores and deal with the humanity of sweat sweating. Buy a deodorant, plain and simple, or pat your pits with baby powder throughout the day. You may need to purify that area after a near lifetime of applying chemicals to conceal your natural musk.
4) Ditch all products. Some people develop stank pits as a double sweat and smell response to the chemical deodorants they use. If you wash your armpits regularly you may find you don’t need deodorant at all. This should kill the itch.
5) Stop shaving for a little while, let those pores and hair follicles do their thing.
6) If you keep shaving, drink more water and prep your pores. Take a bath and then shave. Be sure to change your razor regularly and to use a protective thick cream while shaving. Also, after you shave DO NOT PUT ON DEODORANT. Apply an aftershave salve, either Aloe Vera, an oil like vitamin E, or else some sort of perfume-free bland lotion like basic Cetaphil. Pat, don’t rub those pits dry and treat that newly shaven skin with extra tenderness and care.
7) Exfoliate regularly to keep the skin renewing itself and the hairs beneath it breathing.
8/ Change products again if you have been using new ones. Check your revenue of beauty supplies to be sure you aren’t allergic. Keep your products mild, the less chemicals the more the skin can be skin. If you do think you have an allergy, keep using a mild soap and ditch the other suggestions. Keep that armpit dry and clean until the skin goes back to normal.

For more on reducing sweat naturally, and winning yourself a blonde beau, click here. StopArmPitSweating.net!

Have more questions? E-mail merissag[at]gmail[dot]com anonymously via www.send-email.org.

Relationship: Now or Later?

In Dating, Mental Health on January 15, 2010 at 10:41 pm

Hey Yenta,

The older I get the more I seem to be confused about what I want in a
relationship and who I want to have it with. I always thought that as
I got older this would get easier, but it turns out that as I accrue
more life experience I’m more interested by new kinds of people, by
new ideas and different experiences. I’m eager for a relationship
but am overwhelmed with the possibilities and often write things off
before they can develop, thinking they’re not what I want.

Can you offer any help?

-Quarterlife Angst

Maybe you are meant to be making chocolate in the rainforest right now, instead of making love.

Dear Quarterlife Angst,

If you are at the quarterlife mark then I will place you at 25, because I want you to live to 100 with this person you will eventually find.

There are all kinds of people. Some, by 25 or 27 are ready to settle down. They have committed to a career-choice or a city, have found someone that they can see being with for the rest of their lives. Those people might have a second youth in their fifties when their children are raised, or when they decide to retire. Others, however, do those youthful fifty-something years earlier on, in their twenties. Those people, people like you, are not quite ready for partnered love despite the knee-dropping question-popping happening all around them.

Maybe you are in love with the world, your heart passed to many daily, instead of to one. To find lasting one-on-one love I like to think you need to first love yourself and your own life. If life is giving you newness and opportunity right now, then take it and run with it. It is probably teaching you and showing you things that you can later use in relationships.

If every potential mate you meet seems sub-par, they may very well be. There are tons of people in the world, but only a few that should be brought close to your inner sanctum. If you feel the suitors are unfit, so be it. Being picky is not stupid. Being single is not a sin. Time is not running out. Your heart is made of gold and should only be offered to someone you can be sure will honor and appreciate it as such.

If, however, you think you SHOULD be ready to commit NOW, then seek assistance exploring the reasons each date feels wrong. You can do this on your own, in fact, you should do this on your own. Keep tabs on the qualities that turn you on and turn you off. A vision for your future, a clear picture of the type of love you seek is a good thing to cultivate. That way, when love, the right love, finally does come along, you will not think twice because you will recognize it, trust it, and be ready to finally make that commitment.

Live it up, soak it up, enjoy your twenties and the rollercoaster they provide. Try to ignore social expectations and to follow your own heart. Read Sonia Choquette’s cheesy but valuable, insightful and helpful Trust Your Vibes: Secret Tools for Six-Sensory Living. That stable committed life will come, and when it does, you will be glad you chose this time to experience all you could.

Have a question of your own? Ask Yenta anonymously at merissag[at]gmail[dot]com via www.send-email.org.

10 Easy Ways to Help Haiti

In Health and Body, Mental Health on January 14, 2010 at 6:49 pm

Kindness and generosity are no small feat.

Ten Easy Ways to Give to Haiti:

1) Text “Yele” to 501501 to donate $5 to YELE HAITI. Your money will help with relief efforts. The $5 gets added to your next phone bill.
2) Donate to Doctors Without Borders via phone, mail, internet; by hosting a fundraiser, getting your corporation to give, and more by clicking here.
3) Put your language skills to use: The US Embassy is asking for translators to help with getting the lost in-touch with their families. You can volunteer to help from home by contacting Tony Rivera 786-295-4635. Also, medical professionals can volunteer in Haiti. Airlines are working with consulate. Call 212-697-9767 to volunteer.
4) Got a medical degree? Go to Haiti and help. American Airlines is flying doctors/nurses there for free.
5) Donate via Amazon.com and MercyCorps. Click here.
6) Donate to the Red Cross Relief Fund. Click here.
7) Donate to the Unicef Relief Fund. Click here.
8/ Have a fundraiser of your own at your office. Send the money to one of these organizations.
9) Have a bake sale, a lemonade stand, anything that improves the quality of life for those around you and give the money, and the merit, to relief work in Haiti.
10) Volunteer at local schools to educate about the importance of community and giving, so the effort lasts to the next generation for the next time a community needs immediate relief.

Ten Easy Ways to Give to Your Local Community:
Because the need for generosity is not limited to sudden catastrophes…

1) Volunteer your time to local community needs. Click here to find a local place for your unique skill set to thrive.
2) Babysit for free. Happy rested parents make happy rested children which make positive communities.
3) Clean your mind. Start meditating, it does a service to everyone you encounter. Think angry agro meets calm and sweet.
4) Clean your garbage. Recycling is a mini effort towards global health. Click here for easy ways to change your home life habits.
5) Learn another language. Blanket English segregates and isolates.
6) Tutor a kid. The education system in America makes a point to uphold class separatism. Try and bridge the gap.
7) Smile, offer your seat on the bus, leave a fat tip, help an old lady cross the street, compliment a stranger: small niceties are both contagious and contribute to a communal sense that joy is allowed and compassion is a necessity.
8/ Drink less, smoke less, detox, cook a meal, feed a friend: a healthy thriving body yields a positive disposition.
9) Give randomly and give abundantly. If someone gives to you, give to someone else. Uphold the possibility of a society based on generosity.
10) Do what you love. Following your dreams makes it so other people stop settling for their nightmares. Also, once on the dream life track, your kindness quotient should quadruple.

My Loud Friend

In Drama on January 13, 2010 at 3:48 pm

Dear Yenta,

I have this guy friend who has gone to far too many punk shows and now he is so deaf it is embarrassing to be with him in public because he yells everything. He also gets really pissed if we ask him to quiet down. How do I let him know nicely, that at 32 he needs hearing aids?

-My Loud Friend

Eek, cover your ears. But, be nice.

Dear MLF,

The mistake thus far has been calling him out on his decibel level in public. Chances are that despite how shameless he seems, he is already aware of his deteriorating hearing and completely ashamed. Also, there is nothing worse than being told to be quiet when you are in the midst of expressing yourself.

Take your friend aside when things are more intimate, less on display, and have an honest conversation in a trusting environment. “Hey, Joe Schmo, I am wondering if you have noticed that you have started speaking extra loudly lately, do you have any idea why that is?” He might be like, “because you are hard of hearing, wench” and spit it back at you, or he might be like, “whoah, really? I don’t remember myself as loud.”

Penny Lane from Almost Famous keeps coming to mind. I keep seeing her passed out in her hotel room after trying to kill herself, so in love with a musician. She never saw her reality, herself without the music and the bands until some kid held her and danced with her and stood by her, witnessing her in her least glamorous form.

An ex-mosher surely doesn’t want to admit his fallibility. Being human can suck when sensory experience wanes, depending on where you started. For a loud concert fan this loss of hearing might be a devastating and ironic reality, losing the ability to appreciate what you love because you were appreciating what you love. Him and Penny Lane, so sad.

So be sweet, go slow, and quietly and gently address the truth of your friend’s fading ears. That, or start wearing earplugs and humor the dude and his altered noise level.

Have a dilemma of your own? Write in anonymously to merissag[at]gmail[dot]com via www.send-email.org.